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Foxstep
Foxstep is a grey she-cat with black markings, black spots under her eyes, and blue-grey eyes. Personality Foxstep is a bit of a nutty cat. She is beyond hyperactive and is just difficult to keep track of. Her hyperactivity makes her speech very, very difficult to understand and will confuse the crap out of other cats. She loves playing with her sisters and enjoys bugging her parents. Long Posts Depression post Foxstep was in her nest, the moss and her fur were soaked in tears from her crying as it had been essentially non-stop for several days. Old memories of her father were in her mind already but combined with the loss of Flowerdawn and her beloved Blackclaw, Foxstep was in very rough shape: she hadn't slept much and what sleep she did get always ended in a nightmare of watching her daughter and mate die in front of her, her fur was a little ungroomed, she hasn't been eating and she refused to leave her nest. She didn't know what to do as Blackclaw was, in her mind, a ray of hope sent from Starclan themselves to make her happy but now that he was gone, that ray of hope died with him and now her depression returned with a vengeance and it was taking a toll already on the she cat as she mourned her daughter and beloved. Even though Moonpaw had returned from her travels, it came perhaps too late as Foxstep was already on the verge of being too far gone, not from the plague but from her own inner demons. She loved her family so much but she wished that the plague took her instead of Blackclaw and Flowerdawn. Her feelings of insignificance and wishing for death returned as well and she wanted to take her mate's and daughter's place as the one who died from the plague as she felt their kits would have been better off with him than her as she wasn't in any condition to even be a good mother to them anymore, at least that's what she thought. She was too caught up in her depression, she didn't see her son enter the den and stop beside her nest out of concern for his mother. "Mama, are you okay?" Pikewhisper was very concerned for Foxstep and it was normally him who felt insignificant but now he wanted to be there for his mother in her hour of need. He had hoped just being there would help Foxstep enough to the point she would hopefully get better. He was wrong. "Pike? You shouldn't concern yourself with me, not anymore." Foxstep's depression had gained a foothold in her mind. She didn't want her son or remaining daughter fawning over her as she felt lost to them already because losing even more of her family made Foxstep think she was never a good mother to her kits "You're my mother, you did the same for me as a kit even when I told you not to. Mom, you're not well and I don't want to lose you like I lost Flower and papa. You're all Moonpaw and I have left. Please try to get better. For us." Pikewhisper pleaded with his mother. Maybe he was optimistic or maybe he was out of options but regardless Foxstep didn't listen as she distanced herself emotionally from her son. "I lost my father like you lost yours Pike. But I was younger and Blackclaw was there when I needed someone there for me. He was like a ray of sunshine sent from heaven. When I needed him the most, he was there for me. But now that he's gone, I don't know what I'm going to do, that ray of sunshine died with him. He helped me keep going in life when I wanted to surrender, I want him back with you and Moonpaw, I want him back with me so much. I want my beloved Blackclaw here in my darkest hour. Why did he have to die?! He was too young to die! He had kits to look after and be there for. Flowerdawn didn't deserve death either. It seemed like just yesterday I was still nursing all three of you. She just became a warrior and Starclan took her away! I want my daughter and my love back, is that too much to ask?!" Foxstep was an emotional wreck as she continued to cry. "I wish I died instead of your sister and father because you'd be better off with him than me. I just make you miserable. Your father would have made you happy and joyful. I just drag everyone down with me and you would have been better off if I wasn't even your mother." Pikewhisper didn't know what to say as he never seen or heard his mother be like this and it hurt him hearing her say what she did because he loved her and he would have been equally as sad if she had died instead of Blackclaw. "Mom don't think or even say that. You know that we would be very say if you died instead of dad because you are our mother, we wouldn't want anyone else to be our mother. Don't you know how much it hurts to hear you say you wish we were never born to you? You think we'd be better off as another she cat's litter, well that's not true in the slightest. Dad loved you so much to the point he'd die for you and for you to say you wish he never fell for you and didn't have kits with you, how do you think that makes him feel in Starclan?" Pikewhisper tried to get through to his mother but what he ended up getting was worse than what he anticipated. "We don't know how that makes him feel because he was taken to Starclan just like my father was. First father, then Blackclaw and now Flowerdawn, Pike, there's only so much loss I can take and I don't know how much more I can handle...." Foxstep broke down finally, seasons of repressed memories came flooding back and now the grief of losing her mate and daughter mixed with the grief and sadness she had experienced losing her father at a young age and it caused her more pain and grief than she had experienced up until that point. She forgot her son was there as she cried, rivers of tears running down her cheeks. She wanted nothing more than all her pain to come to an end.